Sounds familiar: People on online dating sites are experiencing frustration because it does seem that the internet in many ways is just the same old bar scene. This is one of the findings of research by anthropologist Susan E. Frohlick. She is conducting an ethnographic study of online dating among women age thirty and above.
She says the women on the one hand gained a sense of empowerment from their online dating experiences. But they still wanted the man to make the first move and expected him pick up the tab:
Women are finding it as a useful tool to enter into the dating world, they find that it’s safe, they find that they can be a little more bold than they would in face-to-face relationships. But, at the same time, they are experiencing frustration because it does seem that the internet in many ways is just the same old bar scene.
Complaints include a preponderance of men who are looking for much younger women, as well as men who misrepresent their looks, interests or marital status, or who show little interest in moving the relationship offline, she said.
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Furthermore, women are hesitant to admit that they meet men through the Internet.
Frohlick says:
One of the most striking findings so far is that there’s a huge contradiction between what women say about the popularity of online dating sites on the one hand and, on the other hand, their own sense of almost shame, and certainly secrecy about it. They talk about how it’s for losers.
Frohlick says she hopes the study will shed more light on how the online dating world might be changing women’s sexuality. She would like to find more study participants from across Canada, including women who are looking for same-sex partners.
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She is part of the project “Surfing for Love” at the University of Manitoba. The study will be completed in May, 2008, and a summary of the results will be posted online, she writes on her homepage.
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I have noticed that several people from my entourage have turned to online dating as a new hope of finding a partner. I did not notice any secrecy about it, but I did notice women sharing different experiences of online dating then men. Most of my female friends have complained about having the feeling of being on the ’sex market’. In spite of taking precautions and carefully selecting the dating websites, they still complained about ‘intruders’ (as opposed to people interested in a long-term, serious partnership). I’ve also heard women complaining about the different communication approaches of men (which seems to be consistent with previous research on online communication and gender differences).
It seems to me that location and position also play an important role in the decision of engaging in online dating. Canada seems to be one such prominent location, especially among immigrants.
I’d be really interested in reading more about how the online dating world may affect women’s sexuality. Together with a colleague, I’m doing some research on gender constructions in virtual environments.